Sons of Anarchy Tara's Story
by MVeneer
Summary: Tara tells her love story with Jax. In Chapter 1, Tara reveals the shocking beginning to the bond they shared and when she first realized he would always be in her heart. Chapter 2, Tara reveals why she really returned to Charming. Chapter 3, Tara tries to resist Jax without much success.
1. Tara's Story Chapter 1 & 2

37

Author's Note: From the season 6 close, Tara is looking back over her relationship with Jax beginning with their first meeting. As she talks, she discusses other events that occurred during the time she and Jax were apart right. It's told from Tara's POV and I'm not trying to write new characters or create an alternate reality. I've used all the information I've gotten from watching the first six SOA seasons over and over to provide the bones of the story. It will be multiple chapters ending after season 6 if there's enough interest.

Chapter 1

I'll never forget the first time I saw Jax Teller, although I didn't know his name then. He was making out with a skinny blonde in a too short skirt and a cleavage baring T-shirt. Much later, I'd learn he would always have a weakness for slutty looking blondes.

I was about to ask them to move when he became aware of me and pulled the girl over a few inches, so I could open my locker. I had a top locker. It was the only thing I had to feel thankful for on my first day at Charming High School.

Less than a week ago, my aunt had dumped me at my father's house in Charming. It's a small town in northern California and I found nothing about it charming. No malls, no fast food places, no movie theaters. Charmless would have been a more accurate name.

When I was five, my mother told my father, she didn't love him, she had never loved him and she was divorcing him. My father packed up and returned to Charming to live with the grandparents I'd only seen in pictures.

My aunt Penny moved in with my mom and me when I was about six. She got a divorce from her husband too. For the first couple of years, she wasn't around much. She waitressed and went to culinary school.

My whole world changed again when I was nine. My mother sat me down and told me she was dying from lung cancer and my aunt would take care of me. No mention was made of my father. In the four years since their divorce, I'd only received a couple of calls from him.

After my mom's death, we remained in Chicago until my aunt finished culinary school. She began to get sous chef jobs. Each new job brought a move and a new school for me. In the six years since my mother's death, I'd been in ten different schools.

My life had just returned to normal from our last move when my aunt met Henri a pastry chef from France. Aunt Penny told me he was her "soul mate" and the first and only great love of her life. He was short, thin and bald. I couldn't see anything special in him. Henri wasn't the first man my aunt dated since her divorce, so I was confident I could wait it out. Of course, he was her "soul mate" and I underestimated the power of that.

Together, they hatched a scheme to go to Antarctica for two years as private chefs for some research scientists studying climate change. In two years, they would have enough money to open a French bistro.

My aunt told me that when you find love, you have to do everything you can to keep it. She said you have to follow your dreams. I guess her dreams no longer included a fifteen year old niece.

I overheard her call to my father. She gave him no choice. She told him she and my mother had raised me without a penny of support from him and it was now time for him to get to know his daughter. And that's how I came to live in Charming.

Despite changing schools so often, I never felt comfortable on that first day in a new school. It was bad enough to deal with one teacher and one class as an elementary school student, but it was torture with five classes and five teachers in high school.

It was biology that literally brought Jax and me together. After Mr. Ragwell reviewed and signed my paperwork, he introduced me to the class and specifically to Jax Teller.

"Bad news, Mr. Teller," Mr. Ragwell said smiling.

"Call me Jax," Jax said interrupting.

The class laughed and I later learned this was a running joke between the teacher and Jax.

"I'm going to have to break up your lab threesome. Jennifer, move over a seat. Tara, take her seat next to Jax. She's going to be your new lab partner."

"I'm Jax," he said with a wide grin.

Even at fifteen, Jax Teller was pretty spectacular. He was tall, with shoulder length white blonde hair, sky blue eyes and a lethally seductive smile. It would be a rare high school girl who would not fall drooling at his feet.

"I know." I said. I was trying to be cool and at the time, I thought I succeeded.

"You're a smart girl, right?"

"What do you mean by that?" I demanded, instantly defensive.

"Just that you look like a smart girl."

"Thanks a lot." Telling a teenage girl that she looked smart was only a small step above calling her ugly.

"I didn't mean that in a bad way. I could really use a smart lab partner."

"I'm smart."

He rewarded me with a smile and then we both turned out attention to Mr. Ragwell's lecture on something I no longer remembered.

Over the next few days, it seemed like I saw Jax in every corner or out of the way place making out with a variety of girls.

On Friday, we began that popular lab assignment of dissecting a frog. I had already done this at my former high school, so this was an easy lab for me. My skill pleased Jax. He liked that I wasn't afraid to cut into the frog. I even overheard him bragging to another student that I was the best lab partner in the class. I didn't tell him of my previous experience with frogs because I liked having his respect.

I don't know how many times I've looked back over the events on that Friday and wondered what would have happened if I'd made different decisions. Most of all, I wonder if Jax and I would have developed that bond that seemed so magical and unbreakable to me.

If he and I hadn't gotten together, I would never have met and loved Abel and I would never have had Thomas, who was my greatest achievement. Jax and I did have some great times until it all went so wrong and we both made so many mistakes at the end.

I was walking around my neighborhood tugging at my much hated hair. After my aunt told me she was going to Antarctica with Henri, she gave me some money and dropped me off at the local mall for a couple of hours. In some insane teenage impulse, I went to the first hair salon I found and had my long beautiful brown hair hacked off so it was barely chin length. I thought this would spite my aunt somehow when all I'd really achieved was making myself look as ugly as possible. When my aunt saw me, all she said was that at least it would grow out.

"Hey, new girl," Jax shouted.

I ignored him. The last thing I wanted to do was talk to Jax Teller. And it really irritated me that he didn't know my name.

"Hey, new girl," he called again.

I walked faster trying to get away.

"Hey." he called yet again.

"You don't even know my name."

"Of course I do. It's Tara Knowles. I just like calling you new girl."

He stopped his bike on the sidewalk a few feet in front of me. This was a fifteen year old Jax, so he was using a bike with pedals.

"What's wrong?"

I thought my expression was calm and expressionless. I must have failed because Jax noticed something was wrong and got down off his bike.

"Just family stuff."

He shook his head.

"There's more to it than that. You can tell me, Tara. I won't say anything."

Normally, I keep my feelings to myself especially with someone I don't know. This wasn't a normal time for me.

"My aunt who raised me since my mom died when I was nine, died today." I tugged at my hair and then I blurted out, "I can't feel anything." I hadn't meant to say it but the words seemed to slip past my lips with no effort on my brain's part to stop them.

I'd just revealed to Jax that I was a horrible, cold, unfeeling person. I expected to see revulsion or disgust on his face. Instead, he just looked concerned.

"When I was a little kid, I fell out of a tree. I didn't feel a thing for a few seconds. I had the wind knocked out of me. I think that's what's happening to you."

"Maybe," I said.

"How is your dad taking it?"

"He doesn't care. My aunt was my mother's sister. As my only living relative, he's now stuck with me. I don't think he's happy about that."

"Do you have any friends nearby?"

"No and I don't even have my father. He left right after he told me. He sings with some pop/rock band. He won't be back until late Sunday afternoon."

"Why didn't he take you with him?"

"The guys travel and stay in this RV and there's no room for me."

"Are you going to be OK?"

"Sure," I said and I even managed a smile.

"I'll walk you home."

"I only live four houses down in the green house. I just needed to get out of that house for a few minutes."

"Sorry, I gotta go. I have to mow the lawn before dinner."

"Thanks for listening. Bye, Jax." I turned around and returned to the house.

I took a shower, washed my hair and put on a knee length crimson T-shirt and black leggings. I curled up on the couch and mindlessly watched TV still too numb to feel.

I was startled around 8 o'clock when the doorbell rang. Both my mom and my aunt drilled into my head from an early age that you never open the door to someone you don't know. I didn't know anyone in Charming so I stayed on the sofa.

Next, I heard loud pounding at the door. I was terrified, torn between calling the police or hiding.

"Tara, it's me Jax. Let me in."

I opened the door. He pushed past me carrying a large backpack. I automatically shut and locked the door behind him.

"What's wrong? Are you running away from home?"

He laughed as if I'd said the funniest thing he had ever heard.

"Not yet."

He dumped his backpack on the kitchen table. He turned to face me and, for once, the good humored expression on his face was gone. For the first time since I met him five days ago, he looked serious.

"I kept thinking about you being all alone. It's just not right, so I had to do something about it. I'm going to keep you company all weekend."

"That's really sweet but . . ."

"You'll be fine on your own," he finished the sentence exactly as I would. He put his hands on my shoulders.

"Tara, I know you are a strong girl. You would drown before calling for a lifeguard. You would bleed to death before asking someone for a bandage. You'll help someone without giving it a thought, but you won't ask for help for yourself."

Now, here was Jax; not only was he insisting he stay with me, he had somehow figured me out. I don't know how he knew me so well. I'd been raised my whole life—well fifteen years of it—to be independent. I don't know how many times my mother and my aunt told me that I can't rely on others for help.

"I really can take care of myself."

Jax gave my shoulders a little shake.

"I know you _can_ take care of yourself, but _I'm_ taking care of you. This is something I need to do." He dropped his hands from my shoulders. "I'm not going to try to get into your pants. That's not why I'm here."

"I know I'm not your type."

"Tara, you are _exactly_ my type. You're a girl."

"Jax, you really don't have to do this."

He put his hands on my shoulders, gripping them more firmly this time.

"Tara, I'm going to make this easy for you. You have two choices. You can call the cops and have them cuff and drag me away because that's the only way I'm leaving or, you can just say "OK". What's it gonna be."

I wasn't entirely truthful when I wrote that I'd been staring mindlessly at the television. I had been staring at the TV, but I had been thinking of ways to kill myself.

I had no one in my life who loved me. My father either hated me or just didn't care. I didn't have any friends. I couldn't think of a single reason why I should remain alive.

And then Jax came pounding at my door. Was it some sort of psychic link that brought him to me? Clearly, he knew that despite all my protests I was far from fine. At fifteen, looking into his blue eyes, I believed it could be possible.

"OK. Thank you," I whispered.

"My pleasure."

Jax smiled at me and dropped his hands from my shoulders. He turned his attention to the contents of his backpack.

"I would have been over sooner but it took me awhile to put together my cover story to get out of the house. I'm supposed to be on a camping trip that doesn't get back until Sunday afternoon. My mom even sent food for the trip. We had a lot of stuff leftover from a party. The food is really good." He began to pull out containers. "Homemade fried chicken. All drumsticks. Turkey, ham and roast beef sandwiches. Then we have the salads—pasta, potato and coleslaw. And the best for last—brownies."

"That's a lot of food."

"My mom always sends too much. Have you eaten yet?"

"I'm not really hungry."

"I'll make you a plate before I put everything in the refrigerator."

"I just can't eat."

Jax put his hands on his hips and faced me.

"You don't have a choice. You have to eat. It will make you feel better. We can do this the hard way or the easy way."

"What's the hard way?"

"I flip you on the floor, sit on you, pinch your nose closed so you have to open your mouth and then I feed you."

I wouldn't mind Jax flipping me to the floor but the nose pinching was a deal breaker.

"You've done that before, haven't you?"

"Not to a girl yet. And I may have used grass and bugs instead of food."

"I'll take the easy way."

"Wise choice."

I sat down at the kitchen and watched him prepare my plate. He found plates in the cupboards. On the first plate, he put a piece of chicken, a ham sandwich and a scoop each of the different salads. On a second plate, he put two brownies.

He put the food in the refrigerator and while the door was open, he named off the different beverages. We both decided on iced tea.

"Thank you, I said when he put my plate and drink in front of me.

I was shy and awkward especially with boys, but Jax made everything so easy for me. He talked about himself and what had gone on this year at Charming High. I loved listening to his stories. It kept me focused so my mind didn't wander to the death of my aunt.

When I finished my plate of food, Jax gave me one of the brownies from his plate. He was right about eating. I did feel better, or maybe it was him.

That evening I found myself telling him more about myself than I'd ever told anyone. I even shared my dream of becoming a surgeon.

A few months later, I would be notified that one of my aunt's job benefits had been life insurance. She had named me as the beneficiary. Her snow mobile accident ended up giving me the means to realize my medical school dream.

We talked until we were both exhausted. Since Jax used a camping story, he had his sleeping bag with him. He spread it on the sofa and settled in for the night.

I went off to my bedroom and fell asleep almost as soon as my head hit the pillow.

Jax was already up when I walked into the living room the next morning. He was watching classic cartoons with Bugs Bunny, the Road Runner and Tom and Jerry.

"I like your taste in TV."

"A good cartoon appeals to all ages."

"I can make breakfast. I can do toast, bacon, eggs or French toast. French toast is my best dish."

"French toast and bacon."

Jax sat at the kitchen table and watched as I cooked.

My father's kitchen wasn't really set up to do much cooking. He left me $30 for food, but failed to tell me where the grocery store was or how to get there. I knew how to get to and from school and that was it. At least, there was enough for a simple breakfast.

After breakfast, we looked outside. It was pouring rain and the sky was a dark gray.

"Is the rain going to mess up your camping story?"

"No, I checked the weather before I told my mother where I was going camping. Since we're going to be stuck inside, we could watch some videos. Your father has a great video collection."

"Finally, something great about my father."

Jax laughed and suddenly I saw the humor and I laughed too.

We were sitting on the floor watching some movie that I no longer remember the name of when he began to tell me about his baby brother, Thomas. His words vividly described his little brother. He told me that his mother cried buckets of tears. A few tears rolled down his face as he described Thomas' last day alive.

It was heartbreaking. Even after almost ten years, he couldn't mention Thomas without his mother crying. He told me I was the only person other than his best friend Opie that he could talk to about his brother.

He went on to tell me about his father's death in a motorcycle accident a few years ago. When he said he knew what I was going through, he wasn't kidding.

I could shed tears for Jax and his baby brother Thomas who fought so hard to live. I could shed tears for Jax and for the father who would not see his son grow up. I could even shed tears for my mother who died so painfully and for the little girl I used to be who died the day her mother died. Still, I could not shed tears for my aunt. I still felt empty.

Jax suggested we lighten the mood by watching _Animal House_. We had both seen it, but it's a movie we both loved. I had the idea that we could watch the cafeteria scene where John Belushi sucks Jell-O and we could suck Jell-O. My father spends every evening eating a bowl of Jell-O topped with whipped cream. There were two untouched square pans in the refrigerator, so we had more than we needed.

Jax and I seriously discussed the kind of plate to use. We finally decided a flat plate with no lip would make sucking the Jell-O the easiest. We readied our Jell-O and sucked it up in sync with Belushi.

"Yuck," I said and made a face after I'd sucked and swallowed my Jell-O. "What's wrong with this stuff?"

Jax grinned. "There's another thing your father is great at—making Jell-O."

"What did he put in it? Do you think it's anti-freeze? Maybe he left it to poison me."

Jax laughed.

"You are so naïve. It's sweet. He wasn't trying to kill you. The Jell-O was spiked with alcohol—vodka—I think."

My mouth actually dropped open in surprise.

"That explains why he always has some in the evening and he's in a better mood after."

"I say we eat a pan now and save one for later."

"He might get mad at me and I don't know what he'll do."

"Tell him you tasted the Jell-O, it tasted wrong, so you tossed it. You didn't want him to get sick."

"You're so good at coming up with stories."

"I've had a lot of practice."

"I haven't. I'm the girl who tries to never do anything wrong and always tries to be perfect."

"That's OK. I'll corrupt you. Starting now. Let's go back to sucking Jell-O."

"I'm better at sucking than you are," I boasted.

Jax and I looked at each other and burst into laughter. My innocent comment had too many not so innocent interpretations.

I'd never had alcohol. It just wasn't something I grew up around. It didn't make much to get me drunk.

After _Animal House_, we started watching _Pulp Fiction_. For some reason—probably alcohol related—we became obsessed with the scene with John Travolta and Uma Thurman going to Jack Rabbit Slim's and entering the dance contest. We spent a lot of time trying to copy their moves. Eventually, we got tired and fell asleep. We never did finish watching the movie. Jax did have a fun goofy side to him before the weight of the MC crushed most of it.

We ate the food Jax brought for lunch and sent out for pizza for dinner using the money my father left. Luckily, Jax knew the phone number of a pizza place.

While we sat on the floor of the living room eating pizza. Jax told me Thomas only liked sausage on his pizza, so he would give him all his sausage. It was just so kind. That's the Jax that stole my heart. That was the moment I knew I'd never get him out of my heart.

Jax told me about the Christmases he had with his family. That's when I realized that without my mother and my aunt, I wouldn't have had a Christmas or a birthday or school clothes or anything. My aunt raised me for almost six years. She could have dumped me at my father's after my mother died. That must mean she cared for me a little.

It hit me full force taking my breath away. My aunt had been so kind and caring to me and I'd been so angry with her for discarding me. She had sacrificed a lot of her romantic life for me. I'd been ungrateful and said some horrible, cruel, vicious things to her. I just couldn't get past her upsetting my life, making me change schools and worst of all, living with my father.

I confessed to Jax that I had been horrible to my aunt and now I felt awful that I would never be able to apologize. I hated myself so much.

"Jax, I was really mean to my aunt. I hurt her. I can never take the words back or apologize to her. I hate myself."

I began to cry, great body shaking sobs. Jax had the wisdom not to stop me. He knew it was just something I needed to go through. He also didn't tell me that everything would be fine. We both had been through enough in life to know that things would never be fine again.

Jax left and returned a few minutes later. He handed me a glass filled with ice and Coke, a couple of aspirins and a cold damp washcloth.

"When Thomas died and my mother had been crying a lot, she would ask me to bring her these things. She said crying gave her a headache."

"I do have a headache."

"Thomas's last Christmas, I'd gotten a toy racing car. He got it and scratched the car and broke one of the wheels. I was so mad, I yelled at him. That's what kids do. That's what everyone does sometimes. I felt bad about it and tried to make it up to him. When I knew that he wouldn't live much longer, I did my best to be the perfect brother because I wanted him to love me as much as I loved him.

"My thinking has changed a little. I know now that my brother loved me and it didn't matter if I got mad and yelled at him. I think that when someone dies, love is all that remains. Anything I did or said that hurt him, was gone. Only my love for him remains. It's the only thing that's important when you die."

His words brought on another flood of tears, but I felt better this time. Cleansed, I guess. He had helped me realize that I needed to forgive myself. I needed to lose the hate. I'm sure my aunt knows that I love her now despite my hate filled words.

I would have times when I was fine and a minute later, I was sobbing again. Jax bore it all, never losing patience with me as my father had done when I was little. My father was from the "quit crying or I'll give you something to cry about" school of parenting. At least that's the way he was when I was five.

That weekend forged the bond between Jax and me. We told each other everything and trusted each other completely. It was a sad horrible weekend and one of the best times in my life rolled into one. All of my life, I felt like I just didn't quite fit in. I didn't know how to change myself to fit in. When I was with Jax, I had a place in the world. I belonged somewhere.

The next afternoon, I was at the door with Jax. He had put his backpack outside, leaning it against the house.

I was nervous and tugging at my hair again. I hated to see him leave and I wasn't sure how this good-bye was going to go. Would he kiss me, hug me or just leave?

"Pulling at your hair won't make it grow faster."

"I hate you."

"You don't," he said grinning all white teeth and confidence. "You _really_ don't."

"Friends?"

"Something better. Allies. I'll always have your back."

"I'll always have your back."

"Great because I could really use some help studying for the biology test on Thursday. Could you come over to my house on Wednesday?"

"I could do that."

"Great," he said. He slipped an arm around my waist and kissed me on the cheek before releasing me. "You can meet my mother. Her name is Gemma."

Author's Note: From the season 6 close, Tara is looking back over her relationship with Jax beginning with their first meeting. As she talks, she discusses other events that occurred during the time she and Jax were apart right. It's told from Tara's POV and I'm not trying to write new characters or create an alternate reality. I've used all the information I've gotten from watching the first six SOA seasons over and over to provide the bones of the story. It will be multiple chapters ending after season 6 if there's enough interest.

Tara's Story Never Tell A Biker (Especially Clay Morrow) That His Vest Is Super Cute

Chapter 2

That Monday, I feared there would be weirdness between Jax and me. We had shared so much. It could be awkward. No, _I_ would be awkward. Jax would be his supremely confident self.

Empower yourself. Seize control of your hair. Bend it to your will. After reading a magazine article, I decided it was time to show my hair who was boss. After forty-five minutes, two curling irons, hair mousse, hair gel and hair spray, my hair was equal parts wet dog and bird's nest. And it wasn't at all the look I was going for.

On the fifteen minute walk to school, I discovered I had toothpaste on my navy blue shirt. I couldn't even manage to brush my teeth competently. When would I learn to brush my teeth before I got dressed?

I steeled myself anticipating I'd see Jax making out with an assortment of girls. Either he had a new out of the way place or he had a supply shortage. He would _never _have a supply shortage. Maybe he wasn't at school.

I was at my locker after third period when I felt a tap on my shoulder. Before I could turn around, the person was gone. I caught a glimpse of blonde hair disappearing around a corner. A huge wave of happiness flooded me and my hair and my shirt didn't matter anymore.

This became something special between us during our high school years. He would tap me on the shoulder or back. Sometimes, he disappeared. Sometimes, he would give me a smile. Each time, I felt a burst of happiness.

One evening, shortly after I'd returned to Charming, I was in the NICU (neonatal intensive care unit) when Jax tapped me on the shoulder. The years fell away and we were teenagers again falling in love. I knew then, I had a chance of getting him back. And that's the real reason I came back to Charming. It was Jax. I wanted him back.

Before I could savor that moment, someone shoved a large manila envelope into my hands. Inside there were pictures of Jax in an intimate moment with a slutty looking blonde. He smiled at me from Abel's room. It was too late. My happiness was gone, replaced by terror.

The pictures were from Kohn. I'm sure he thought the pictures would drive me back into his arms. I didn't just want Jax's body. I wanted his heart and mind too. A road fling wasn't a threat to my dream of living happily ever after with him.

I always think of Kohn as Kohn. The sound of his first name, Josh or the truly revolting Joshy, makes my skin crawl. Thinking of him, only by his last name, gives me some emotional distance.

I never loved him. I tried but I just couldn't get there. Our relationship was drifting along until the night I caught him poking holes in a condom with a safety pin. That started the fight, that got physical, that ended the relationship, that was never going to go anywhere anyway.

His stalking went beyond phone calls, emails and driving by my apartment, to going through my trash. He found the pregnancy test and the paperwork from the clinic where the pregnancy was terminated.

That confrontation nearly cost me my life. I'd gone to the grocery store, dumped the groceries on the kitchen counter and was on my way back to lock the door when Kohn burst in.

I was standing in the middle of my apartment. My purse with my handgun was in the kitchen. The sliding glass door to the balcony was too far away. There was a vase I might be able to grab, but it wasn't much of a weapon.

He pulled the pregnancy test and the clinic paperwork out of his back pocket. Not only had he dug it out of my trash; he had put the clinic paperwork back together with tape after I ripped it up. This was my first clue that he had left the land of the sane.

"When were you going to tell me?"

"You need to leave," I said. Once again, I was relying on another magazine article. I hoped this would work out better than the hair article. The article said to avoid feeding the fight and to tell the stalker to leave and nothing else.

"When were you going to tell me?"

"Please leave," I said keeping my voice calm and firm, but I was shaking inside.

When I caught him poking holes in the condom, he swore it was the first time. He was holding the proof in his hands that he'd lied. I didn't point that out. It would only escalate the fight.

He was on me in the blink of an eye. His hands were around my throat before I could react. He could choke me into unconsciousness in seconds. He hadn't tightened his hold on my neck, so I was hopeful that I could save myself.

I wouldn't do well in a fight with him. He was almost twice my size and he had fight training as an ATF agent.

My best course of action was to calm him down and say whatever I needed to say to get myself out of danger and him out the door.

I gently drew circles on the back of his hands with my fingertips in an effort to soothe him.

"Josh, you deserve better. I can never be good enough for you," I said using my softest sweetest voice.

My doorbell rang and I could hear a baby crying. I said a silent "thank you" to nervous first-time mom Annie and cranky baby Kayla.

"I'll be right there, Annie," I called loudly. "She has a three week old baby," I explained to Kohn. "The baby is very sick. I need to help them."

Somewhere inside, he had a small amount of compassion left. He dropped his hands from around my neck.

I half-ran to the door and flung it open.

"Come on in," I said.

"Is this a bad time?" Annie asked, looking anxiously at Kohn. She was a redhead in her late twenties with sleep deprivation circles under her eyes.

"No, he was just leaving."

Before he left, he stopped to pick up the pregnancy test and clinic paperwork he dropped in his haste to strangle me.

"Tara, this isn't over."

I didn't reply. He was leaving and I was still alive. That's all that really mattered to me.

That moment when I thought Kohn was going to squeeze the life out of me, I promised myself if I lived, I would change my life. I would go after what I really wanted in life and that was Jax. I'd gone after the career I'd wanted, why shouldn't I go after the man I wanted?

When I left Charming at nineteen, I thought I would get over Jax and find someone else. I didn't realize how precious love is. I threw it away, confident that I could find it again.

I failed to learn from my mother. She divorced my father because she didn't love him. She dated after that but she never found love.

In a rare moment of insight, I realized that every man I've ever dated, reminded me of Jax in some way. Ironically, Kohn was the closest I've come to finding someone like Jax. He had that same dangerous quality that I find so seductive. I just didn't know, until it was almost too late, that I was the one in danger.

I had to see Jax again, look into his eyes and discover if the love I feel for him is a present feeling or if it's a past memory I'm constantly re-living.

I grabbed my laptop and typed in Jax's name. My heart was pounding, my fingers were trembling and my stomach was in knots. And then I got the answer I wanted. Jax was single and recently divorced.

I pulled up the St. Thomas hospital website and discovered they had a job opening in my field. It was a perfect fit for me.

My father had died recently. I needed to go to Charming or hire someone to deal with his house and his personal property. I would use that as my reason for returning.

It felt like God, the Fates, Destiny or whatever force rules the world wanted me back in Charming. I felt elated. I had a new life waiting for me. For the first time in years, I was looking forward to tomorrow.

I expected that moving to California would also solve my Kohn problem. I would be too far away for him to stalk. He would move on to another victim. I had no idea that he was so mentally unstable that he would follow me to Charming, but I believed even if Kohn followed me to Charming, it would be better than staying in Chicago or moving to another city.

I couldn't depend on law enforcement in Chicago to protect me. The second I said Kohn was an ATF agent, they couldn't get rid of me fast enough. I finally got a restraining order, but I couldn't depend on them to enforce it. I didn't even bother to report Kohn's attack on me because he hadn't left marks on me and it would be his word against mine.

I had tried getting the ATF involved without success. I was told the ATF had real work to do and couldn't get involved in petty personal problems.

I looked up Charming on the internet and discovered Wayne Unser was the police chief. I've known him since he was a patrol officer. I also noticed David Hale was a police officer. I knew him from high school.

With my personal connection to Charming law enforcement, they were my best chance at getting a law enforcement response if I needed one. And even then, they might not be able to do much.

I know most people think I returned to Charming seeking Jax's protection. I've never contradicted them because I'd rather people believe that than admit the truth; that I'd come back for Jax.

I think my returning to Charming fueled Kohn's insanity. I told him too much about Jax and I think he became obsessed with showing me he was better than a "biker thug" as he referred to Jax. Or maybe he was just flat out crazy and I hadn't seen it.

That Monday, I eventually saw Jax making out with another girl. It hurt more than I thought it would even though I didn't believe I had a chance with him. My short hair had destroyed all my fragile self-esteem. I didn't realize how much I relied on my long hair to shield me from the world. I felt vulnerable and exposed. Maybe the whole Samson losing his strength over a haircut had some truth to it.

That Wednesday study session with Jax got off to a great start. We ate cupcakes and drank lemonade before spreading out our textbooks and notes on the kitchen table and studying.

Everything changed when Gemma came home.

"I can't believe you're studying," she said after Jax introduced us.

"Tara explained to me that people _study_ before taking a test. Who knew?" Jax grinned at me.

Gemma smiled but I wasn't fooled. For some unknown reason, she had taken an instant dislike to me. I've always wondered if she sensed that she might have to share Jax's heart with me. I don't know. I've never been hated at first sight before.

I was determined to win Gemma's approval. I didn't know how much influence Gemma had over Jax. I was afraid she would poison his mind against me.

When I saw Gemma begin to dice onions, I had what I thought was a genius level idea; I would win her over by showing her a better way to chop onions.

My Aunt Penny began teaching me knife skills when I was ten. I used to do a lot of her knife work when she practiced her culinary school dishes, so I was good with a knife.

I've always been open to learning new and better ways to perform a task. It never even entered my mind that Gemma might not feel the same way.

As I demonstrated my better way of chopping onions, Gemma was silent. I tried to make up for her silence by babbling.

Gemma looked at me and smiled, a terrifying fake smile when I finally ran out of words.

"My, aren't you handy."

For a few seconds, I consoled myself by thinking it couldn't get any worse. I should never think that because it can get worse and it usually always does. Clay walked in.

After Jax introduced me, I made another horribly misguided attempt at winning over Jax's family.

"Your vest is super cute," I said brightly.

I don't know how those words came out of my mouth. I've never used the expression "super cute" in my life. I didn't wonder what I was thinking because it was clear to me that I wasn't thinking.

"Welcome to Charming," Clay said. "Now try not to get yourself killed."

I tugged at my hair and thought about making a break for the door.

Author's Note: I think the words Clay said were used when he welcomed some new guys to SAMCRO and I borrowed them.

I have this plotted out and would like to continue to write this if there is enough interest. So if you like this please let me know and if you hate it, let me know that too. I hope to update this with a chapter 3 in three weeks.


	2. Chapter 2

37

Author's Note: From the season 6 close, Tara is looking back over her relationship with Jax beginning with their first meeting. As she talks, she discusses other events that occurred during the time she and Jax were apart right. It's told from Tara's POV and I'm not trying to write new characters or create an alternate reality. I've used all the information I've gotten from watching the first six SOA seasons over and over to provide the bones of the story. It will be multiple chapters ending after season 6 if there's enough interest.

Chapter 1

I'll never forget the first time I saw Jax Teller, although I didn't know his name then. He was making out with a skinny blonde in a too short skirt and a cleavage baring T-shirt. Much later, I'd learn he would always have a weakness for slutty looking blondes.

I was about to ask them to move when he became aware of me and pulled the girl over a few inches, so I could open my locker. I had a top locker. It was the only thing I had to feel thankful for on my first day at Charming High School.

Less than a week ago, my aunt had dumped me at my father's house in Charming. It's a small town in northern California and I found nothing about it charming. No malls, no fast food places, no movie theaters. Charmless would have been a more accurate name.

When I was five, my mother told my father, she didn't love him, she had never loved him and she was divorcing him. My father packed up and returned to Charming to live with the grandparents I'd only seen in pictures.

My aunt Penny moved in with my mom and me when I was about six. She got a divorce from her husband too. For the first couple of years, she wasn't around much. She waitressed and went to culinary school.

My whole world changed again when I was nine. My mother sat me down and told me she was dying from lung cancer and my aunt would take care of me. No mention was made of my father. In the four years since their divorce, I'd only received a couple of calls from him.

After my mom's death, we remained in Chicago until my aunt finished culinary school. She began to get sous chef jobs. Each new job brought a move and a new school for me. In the six years since my mother's death, I'd been in ten different schools.

My life had just returned to normal from our last move when my aunt met Henri a pastry chef from France. Aunt Penny told me he was her "soul mate" and the first and only great love of her life. He was short, thin and bald. I couldn't see anything special in him. Henri wasn't the first man my aunt dated since her divorce, so I was confident I could wait it out. Of course, he was her "soul mate" and I underestimated the power of that.

Together, they hatched a scheme to go to Antarctica for two years as private chefs for some research scientists studying climate change. In two years, they would have enough money to open a French bistro.

My aunt told me that when you find love, you have to do everything you can to keep it. She said you have to follow your dreams. I guess her dreams no longer included a fifteen year old niece.

I overheard her call to my father. She gave him no choice. She told him she and my mother had raised me without a penny of support from him and it was now time for him to get to know his daughter. And that's how I came to live in Charming.

Despite changing schools so often, I never felt comfortable on that first day in a new school. It was bad enough to deal with one teacher and one class as an elementary school student, but it was torture with five classes and five teachers in high school.

It was biology that literally brought Jax and me together. After Mr. Ragwell reviewed and signed my paperwork, he introduced me to the class and specifically to Jax Teller.

"Bad news, Mr. Teller," Mr. Ragwell said smiling.

"Call me Jax," Jax said interrupting.

The class laughed and I later learned this was a running joke between the teacher and Jax.

"I'm going to have to break up your lab threesome. Jennifer, move over a seat. Tara, take her seat next to Jax. She's going to be your new lab partner."

"I'm Jax," he said with a wide grin.

Even at fifteen, Jax Teller was pretty spectacular. He was tall, with shoulder length white blonde hair, sky blue eyes and a lethally seductive smile. It would be a rare high school girl who would not fall drooling at his feet.

"I know." I said. I was trying to be cool and at the time, I thought I succeeded.

"You're a smart girl, right?"

"What do you mean by that?" I demanded, instantly defensive.

"Just that you look like a smart girl."

"Thanks a lot." Telling a teenage girl that she looked smart was only a small step above calling her ugly.

"I didn't mean that in a bad way. I could really use a smart lab partner."

"I'm smart."

He rewarded me with a smile and then we both turned out attention to Mr. Ragwell's lecture on something I no longer remembered.

Over the next few days, it seemed like I saw Jax in every corner or out of the way place making out with a variety of girls.

On Friday, we began that popular lab assignment of dissecting a frog. I had already done this at my former high school, so this was an easy lab for me. My skill pleased Jax. He liked that I wasn't afraid to cut into the frog. I even overheard him bragging to another student that I was the best lab partner in the class. I didn't tell him of my previous experience with frogs because I liked having his respect.

I don't know how many times I've looked back over the events on that Friday and wondered what would have happened if I'd made different decisions. Most of all, I wonder if Jax and I would have developed that bond that seemed so magical and unbreakable to me.

If he and I hadn't gotten together, I would never have met and loved Abel and I would never have had Thomas, who was my greatest achievement. Jax and I did have some great times until it all went so wrong and we both made so many mistakes at the end.

I was walking around my neighborhood tugging at my much hated hair. After my aunt told me she was going to Antarctica with Henri, she gave me some money and dropped me off at the local mall for a couple of hours. In some insane teenage impulse, I went to the first hair salon I found and had my long beautiful brown hair hacked off so it was barely chin length. I thought this would spite my aunt somehow when all I'd really achieved was making myself look as ugly as possible. When my aunt saw me, all she said was that at least it would grow out.

"Hey, new girl," Jax shouted.

I ignored him. The last thing I wanted to do was talk to Jax Teller. And it really irritated me that he didn't know my name.

"Hey, new girl," he called again.

I walked faster trying to get away.

"Hey." he called yet again.

"You don't even know my name."

"Of course I do. It's Tara Knowles. I just like calling you new girl."

He stopped his bike on the sidewalk a few feet in front of me. This was a fifteen year old Jax, so he was using a bike with pedals.

"What's wrong?"

I thought my expression was calm and expressionless. I must have failed because Jax noticed something was wrong and got down off his bike.

"Just family stuff."

He shook his head.

"There's more to it than that. You can tell me, Tara. I won't say anything."

Normally, I keep my feelings to myself especially with someone I don't know. This wasn't a normal time for me.

"My aunt who raised me since my mom died when I was nine, died today." I tugged at my hair and then I blurted out, "I can't feel anything." I hadn't meant to say it but the words seemed to slip past my lips with no effort on my brain's part to stop them.

I'd just revealed to Jax that I was a horrible, cold, unfeeling person. I expected to see revulsion or disgust on his face. Instead, he just looked concerned.

"When I was a little kid, I fell out of a tree. I didn't feel a thing for a few seconds. I had the wind knocked out of me. I think that's what's happening to you."

"Maybe," I said.

"How is your dad taking it?"

"He doesn't care. My aunt was my mother's sister. As my only living relative, he's now stuck with me. I don't think he's happy about that."

"Do you have any friends nearby?"

"No and I don't even have my father. He left right after he told me. He sings with some pop/rock band. He won't be back until late Sunday afternoon."

"Why didn't he take you with him?"

"The guys travel and stay in this RV and there's no room for me."

"Are you going to be OK?"

"Sure," I said and I even managed a smile.

"I'll walk you home."

"I only live four houses down in the green house. I just needed to get out of that house for a few minutes."

"Sorry, I gotta go. I have to mow the lawn before dinner."

"Thanks for listening. Bye, Jax." I turned around and returned to the house.

I took a shower, washed my hair and put on a knee length crimson T-shirt and black leggings. I curled up on the couch and mindlessly watched TV still too numb to feel.

I was startled around 8 o'clock when the doorbell rang. Both my mom and my aunt drilled into my head from an early age that you never open the door to someone you don't know. I didn't know anyone in Charming so I stayed on the sofa.

Next, I heard loud pounding at the door. I was terrified, torn between calling the police or hiding.

"Tara, it's me Jax. Let me in."

I opened the door. He pushed past me carrying a large backpack. I automatically shut and locked the door behind him.

"What's wrong? Are you running away from home?"

He laughed as if I'd said the funniest thing he had ever heard.

"Not yet."

He dumped his backpack on the kitchen table. He turned to face me and, for once, the good humored expression on his face was gone. For the first time since I met him five days ago, he looked serious.

"I kept thinking about you being all alone. It's just not right, so I had to do something about it. I'm going to keep you company all weekend."

"That's really sweet but . . ."

"You'll be fine on your own," he finished the sentence exactly as I would. He put his hands on my shoulders.

"Tara, I know you are a strong girl. You would drown before calling for a lifeguard. You would bleed to death before asking someone for a bandage. You'll help someone without giving it a thought, but you won't ask for help for yourself."

Now, here was Jax; not only was he insisting he stay with me, he had somehow figured me out. I don't know how he knew me so well. I'd been raised my whole life—well fifteen years of it—to be independent. I don't know how many times my mother and my aunt told me that I can't rely on others for help.

"I really can take care of myself."

Jax gave my shoulders a little shake.

"I know you _can_ take care of yourself, but _I'm_ taking care of you. This is something I need to do." He dropped his hands from my shoulders. "I'm not going to try to get into your pants. That's not why I'm here."

"I know I'm not your type."

"Tara, you are _exactly_ my type. You're a girl."

"Jax, you really don't have to do this."

He put his hands on my shoulders, gripping them more firmly this time.

"Tara, I'm going to make this easy for you. You have two choices. You can call the cops and have them cuff and drag me away because that's the only way I'm leaving or, you can just say "OK". What's it gonna be."

I wasn't entirely truthful when I wrote that I'd been staring mindlessly at the television. I had been staring at the TV, but I had been thinking of ways to kill myself.

I had no one in my life who loved me. My father either hated me or just didn't care. I didn't have any friends. I couldn't think of a single reason why I should remain alive.

And then Jax came pounding at my door. Was it some sort of psychic link that brought him to me? Clearly, he knew that despite all my protests I was far from fine. At fifteen, looking into his blue eyes, I believed it could be possible.

"OK. Thank you," I whispered.

"My pleasure."

Jax smiled at me and dropped his hands from my shoulders. He turned his attention to the contents of his backpack.

"I would have been over sooner but it took me awhile to put together my cover story to get out of the house. I'm supposed to be on a camping trip that doesn't get back until Sunday afternoon. My mom even sent food for the trip. We had a lot of stuff leftover from a party. The food is really good." He began to pull out containers. "Homemade fried chicken. All drumsticks. Turkey, ham and roast beef sandwiches. Then we have the salads—pasta, potato and coleslaw. And the best for last—brownies."

"That's a lot of food."

"My mom always sends too much. Have you eaten yet?"

"I'm not really hungry."

"I'll make you a plate before I put everything in the refrigerator."

"I just can't eat."

Jax put his hands on his hips and faced me.

"You don't have a choice. You have to eat. It will make you feel better. We can do this the hard way or the easy way."

"What's the hard way?"

"I flip you on the floor, sit on you, pinch your nose closed so you have to open your mouth and then I feed you."

I wouldn't mind Jax flipping me to the floor but the nose pinching was a deal breaker.

"You've done that before, haven't you?"

"Not to a girl yet. And I may have used grass and bugs instead of food."

"I'll take the easy way."

"Wise choice."

I sat down at the kitchen and watched him prepare my plate. He found plates in the cupboards. On the first plate, he put a piece of chicken, a ham sandwich and a scoop each of the different salads. On a second plate, he put two brownies.

He put the food in the refrigerator and while the door was open, he named off the different beverages. We both decided on iced tea.

"Thank you, I said when he put my plate and drink in front of me.

I was shy and awkward especially with boys, but Jax made everything so easy for me. He talked about himself and what had gone on this year at Charming High. I loved listening to his stories. It kept me focused so my mind didn't wander to the death of my aunt.

When I finished my plate of food, Jax gave me one of the brownies from his plate. He was right about eating. I did feel better, or maybe it was him.

That evening I found myself telling him more about myself than I'd ever told anyone. I even shared my dream of becoming a surgeon.

A few months later, I would be notified that one of my aunt's job benefits had been life insurance. She had named me as the beneficiary. Her snow mobile accident ended up giving me the means to realize my medical school dream.

We talked until we were both exhausted. Since Jax used a camping story, he had his sleeping bag with him. He spread it on the sofa and settled in for the night.

I went off to my bedroom and fell asleep almost as soon as my head hit the pillow.

Jax was already up when I walked into the living room the next morning. He was watching classic cartoons with Bugs Bunny, the Road Runner and Tom and Jerry.

"I like your taste in TV."

"A good cartoon appeals to all ages."

"I can make breakfast. I can do toast, bacon, eggs or French toast. French toast is my best dish."

"French toast and bacon."

Jax sat at the kitchen table and watched as I cooked.

My father's kitchen wasn't really set up to do much cooking. He left me $30 for food, but failed to tell me where the grocery store was or how to get there. I knew how to get to and from school and that was it. At least, there was enough for a simple breakfast.

After breakfast, we looked outside. It was pouring rain and the sky was a dark gray.

"Is the rain going to mess up your camping story?"

"No, I checked the weather before I told my mother where I was going camping. Since we're going to be stuck inside, we could watch some videos. Your father has a great video collection."

"Finally, something great about my father."

Jax laughed and suddenly I saw the humor and I laughed too.

We were sitting on the floor watching some movie that I no longer remember the name of when he began to tell me about his baby brother, Thomas. His words vividly described his little brother. He told me that his mother cried buckets of tears. A few tears rolled down his face as he described Thomas' last day alive.

It was heartbreaking. Even after almost ten years, he couldn't mention Thomas without his mother crying. He told me I was the only person other than his best friend Opie that he could talk to about his brother.

He went on to tell me about his father's death in a motorcycle accident a few years ago. When he said he knew what I was going through, he wasn't kidding.

I could shed tears for Jax and his baby brother Thomas who fought so hard to live. I could shed tears for Jax and for the father who would not see his son grow up. I could even shed tears for my mother who died so painfully and for the little girl I used to be who died the day her mother died. Still, I could not shed tears for my aunt. I still felt empty.

Jax suggested we lighten the mood by watching _Animal House_. We had both seen it, but it's a movie we both loved. I had the idea that we could watch the cafeteria scene where John Belushi sucks Jell-O and we could suck Jell-O. My father spends every evening eating a bowl of Jell-O topped with whipped cream. There were two untouched square pans in the refrigerator, so we had more than we needed.

Jax and I seriously discussed the kind of plate to use. We finally decided a flat plate with no lip would make sucking the Jell-O the easiest. We readied our Jell-O and sucked it up in sync with Belushi.

"Yuck," I said and made a face after I'd sucked and swallowed my Jell-O. "What's wrong with this stuff?"

Jax grinned. "There's another thing your father is great at—making Jell-O."

"What did he put in it? Do you think it's anti-freeze? Maybe he left it to poison me."

Jax laughed.

"You are so naïve. It's sweet. He wasn't trying to kill you. The Jell-O was spiked with alcohol—vodka—I think."

My mouth actually dropped open in surprise.

"That explains why he always has some in the evening and he's in a better mood after."

"I say we eat a pan now and save one for later."

"He might get mad at me and I don't know what he'll do."

"Tell him you tasted the Jell-O, it tasted wrong, so you tossed it. You didn't want him to get sick."

"You're so good at coming up with stories."

"I've had a lot of practice."

"I haven't. I'm the girl who tries to never do anything wrong and always tries to be perfect."

"That's OK. I'll corrupt you. Starting now. Let's go back to sucking Jell-O."

"I'm better at sucking than you are," I boasted.

Jax and I looked at each other and burst into laughter. My innocent comment had too many not so innocent interpretations.

I'd never had alcohol. It just wasn't something I grew up around. It didn't make much to get me drunk.

After _Animal House_, we started watching _Pulp Fiction_. For some reason—probably alcohol related—we became obsessed with the scene with John Travolta and Uma Thurman going to Jack Rabbit Slim's and entering the dance contest. We spent a lot of time trying to copy their moves. Eventually, we got tired and fell asleep. We never did finish watching the movie. Jax did have a fun goofy side to him before the weight of the MC crushed most of it.

We ate the food Jax brought for lunch and sent out for pizza for dinner using the money my father left. Luckily, Jax knew the phone number of a pizza place.

While we sat on the floor of the living room eating pizza. Jax told me Thomas only liked sausage on his pizza, so he would give him all his sausage. It was just so kind. That's the Jax that stole my heart. That was the moment I knew I'd never get him out of my heart.

Jax told me about the Christmases he had with his family. That's when I realized that without my mother and my aunt, I wouldn't have had a Christmas or a birthday or school clothes or anything. My aunt raised me for almost six years. She could have dumped me at my father's after my mother died. That must mean she cared for me a little.

It hit me full force taking my breath away. My aunt had been so kind and caring to me and I'd been so angry with her for discarding me. She had sacrificed a lot of her romantic life for me. I'd been ungrateful and said some horrible, cruel, vicious things to her. I just couldn't get past her upsetting my life, making me change schools and worst of all, living with my father.

I confessed to Jax that I had been horrible to my aunt and now I felt awful that I would never be able to apologize. I hated myself so much.

"Jax, I was really mean to my aunt. I hurt her. I can never take the words back or apologize to her. I hate myself."

I began to cry, great body shaking sobs. Jax had the wisdom not to stop me. He knew it was just something I needed to go through. He also didn't tell me that everything would be fine. We both had been through enough in life to know that things would never be fine again.

Jax left and returned a few minutes later. He handed me a glass filled with ice and Coke, a couple of aspirins and a cold damp washcloth.

"When Thomas died and my mother had been crying a lot, she would ask me to bring her these things. She said crying gave her a headache."

"I do have a headache."

"Thomas's last Christmas, I'd gotten a toy racing car. He got it and scratched the car and broke one of the wheels. I was so mad, I yelled at him. That's what kids do. That's what everyone does sometimes. I felt bad about it and tried to make it up to him. When I knew that he wouldn't live much longer, I did my best to be the perfect brother because I wanted him to love me as much as I loved him.

"My thinking has changed a little. I know now that my brother loved me and it didn't matter if I got mad and yelled at him. I think that when someone dies, love is all that remains. Anything I did or said that hurt him, was gone. Only my love for him remains. It's the only thing that's important when you die."

His words brought on another flood of tears, but I felt better this time. Cleansed, I guess. He had helped me realize that I needed to forgive myself. I needed to lose the hate. I'm sure my aunt knows that I love her now despite my hate filled words.

I would have times when I was fine and a minute later, I was sobbing again. Jax bore it all, never losing patience with me as my father had done when I was little. My father was from the "quit crying or I'll give you something to cry about" school of parenting. At least that's the way he was when I was five.

That weekend forged the bond between Jax and me. We told each other everything and trusted each other completely. It was a sad horrible weekend and one of the best times in my life rolled into one. All of my life, I felt like I just didn't quite fit in. I didn't know how to change myself to fit in. When I was with Jax, I had a place in the world. I belonged somewhere.

The next afternoon, I was at the door with Jax. He had put his backpack outside, leaning it against the house.

I was nervous and tugging at my hair again. I hated to see him leave and I wasn't sure how this good-bye was going to go. Would he kiss me, hug me or just leave?

"Pulling at your hair won't make it grow faster."

"I hate you."

"You don't," he said grinning all white teeth and confidence. "You _really_ don't."

"Friends?"

"Something better. Allies. I'll always have your back."

"I'll always have your back."

"Great because I could really use some help studying for the biology test on Thursday. Could you come over to my house on Wednesday?"

"I could do that."

"Great," he said. He slipped an arm around my waist and kissed me on the cheek before releasing me. "You can meet my mother. Her name is Gemma."

Author's Note: From the season 6 close, Tara is looking back over her relationship with Jax beginning with their first meeting. As she talks, she discusses other events that occurred during the time she and Jax were apart right. It's told from Tara's POV and I'm not trying to write new characters or create an alternate reality. I've used all the information I've gotten from watching the first six SOA seasons over and over to provide the bones of the story. It will be multiple chapters ending after season 6 if there's enough interest.

Tara's Story Never Tell A Biker (Especially Clay Morrow) That His Vest Is Super Cute

Chapter 2

That Monday, I feared there would be weirdness between Jax and me. We had shared so much. It could be awkward. No, _I_ would be awkward. Jax would be his supremely confident self.

Empower yourself. Seize control of your hair. Bend it to your will. After reading a magazine article, I decided it was time to show my hair who was boss. After forty-five minutes, two curling irons, hair mousse, hair gel and hair spray, my hair was equal parts wet dog and bird's nest. And it wasn't at all the look I was going for.

On the fifteen minute walk to school, I discovered I had toothpaste on my navy blue shirt. I couldn't even manage to brush my teeth competently. When would I learn to brush my teeth before I got dressed?

I steeled myself anticipating I'd see Jax making out with an assortment of girls. Either he had a new out of the way place or he had a supply shortage. He would _never _have a supply shortage. Maybe he wasn't at school.

I was at my locker after third period when I felt a tap on my shoulder. Before I could turn around, the person was gone. I caught a glimpse of blonde hair disappearing around a corner. A huge wave of happiness flooded me and my hair and my shirt didn't matter anymore.

This became something special between us during our high school years. He would tap me on the shoulder or back. Sometimes, he disappeared. Sometimes, he would give me a smile. Each time, I felt a burst of happiness.

One evening, shortly after I'd returned to Charming, I was in the NICU (neonatal intensive care unit) when Jax tapped me on the shoulder. The years fell away and we were teenagers again falling in love. I knew then, I had a chance of getting him back. And that's the real reason I came back to Charming. It was Jax. I wanted him back.

Before I could savor that moment, someone shoved a large manila envelope into my hands. Inside there were pictures of Jax in an intimate moment with a slutty looking blonde. He smiled at me from Abel's room. It was too late. My happiness was gone, replaced by terror.

The pictures were from Kohn. I'm sure he thought the pictures would drive me back into his arms. I didn't just want Jax's body. I wanted his heart and mind too. A road fling wasn't a threat to my dream of living happily ever after with him.

I always think of Kohn as Kohn. The sound of his first name, Josh or the truly revolting Joshy, makes my skin crawl. Thinking of him, only by his last name, gives me some emotional distance.

I never loved him. I tried but I just couldn't get there. Our relationship was drifting along until the night I caught him poking holes in a condom with a safety pin. That started the fight, that got physical, that ended the relationship, that was never going to go anywhere anyway.

His stalking went beyond phone calls, emails and driving by my apartment, to going through my trash. He found the pregnancy test and the paperwork from the clinic where the pregnancy was terminated.

That confrontation nearly cost me my life. I'd gone to the grocery store, dumped the groceries on the kitchen counter and was on my way back to lock the door when Kohn burst in.

I was standing in the middle of my apartment. My purse with my handgun was in the kitchen. The sliding glass door to the balcony was too far away. There was a vase I might be able to grab, but it wasn't much of a weapon.

He pulled the pregnancy test and the clinic paperwork out of his back pocket. Not only had he dug it out of my trash; he had put the clinic paperwork back together with tape after I ripped it up. This was my first clue that he had left the land of the sane.

"When were you going to tell me?"

"You need to leave," I said. Once again, I was relying on another magazine article. I hoped this would work out better than the hair article. The article said to avoid feeding the fight and to tell the stalker to leave and nothing else.

"When were you going to tell me?"

"Please leave," I said keeping my voice calm and firm, but I was shaking inside.

When I caught him poking holes in the condom, he swore it was the first time. He was holding the proof in his hands that he'd lied. I didn't point that out. It would only escalate the fight.

He was on me in the blink of an eye. His hands were around my throat before I could react. He could choke me into unconsciousness in seconds. He hadn't tightened his hold on my neck, so I was hopeful that I could save myself.

I wouldn't do well in a fight with him. He was almost twice my size and he had fight training as an ATF agent.

My best course of action was to calm him down and say whatever I needed to say to get myself out of danger and him out the door.

I gently drew circles on the back of his hands with my fingertips in an effort to soothe him.

"Josh, you deserve better. I can never be good enough for you," I said using my softest sweetest voice.

My doorbell rang and I could hear a baby crying. I said a silent "thank you" to nervous first-time mom Annie and cranky baby Kayla.

"I'll be right there, Annie," I called loudly. "She has a three week old baby," I explained to Kohn. "The baby is very sick. I need to help them."

Somewhere inside, he had a small amount of compassion left. He dropped his hands from around my neck.

I half-ran to the door and flung it open.

"Come on in," I said.

"Is this a bad time?" Annie asked, looking anxiously at Kohn. She was a redhead in her late twenties with sleep deprivation circles under her eyes.

"No, he was just leaving."

Before he left, he stopped to pick up the pregnancy test and clinic paperwork he dropped in his haste to strangle me.

"Tara, this isn't over."

I didn't reply. He was leaving and I was still alive. That's all that really mattered to me.

That moment when I thought Kohn was going to squeeze the life out of me, I promised myself if I lived, I would change my life. I would go after what I really wanted in life and that was Jax. I'd gone after the career I'd wanted, why shouldn't I go after the man I wanted?

When I left Charming at nineteen, I thought I would get over Jax and find someone else. I didn't realize how precious love is. I threw it away, confident that I could find it again.

I failed to learn from my mother. She divorced my father because she didn't love him. She dated after that but she never found love.

In a rare moment of insight, I realized that every man I've ever dated, reminded me of Jax in some way. Ironically, Kohn was the closest I've come to finding someone like Jax. He had that same dangerous quality that I find so seductive. I just didn't know, until it was almost too late, that I was the one in danger.

I had to see Jax again, look into his eyes and discover if the love I feel for him is a present feeling or if it's a past memory I'm constantly re-living.

I grabbed my laptop and typed in Jax's name. My heart was pounding, my fingers were trembling and my stomach was in knots. And then I got the answer I wanted. Jax was single and recently divorced.

I pulled up the St. Thomas hospital website and discovered they had a job opening in my field. It was a perfect fit for me.

My father had died recently. I needed to go to Charming or hire someone to deal with his house and his personal property. I would use that as my reason for returning.

It felt like God, the Fates, Destiny or whatever force rules the world wanted me back in Charming. I felt elated. I had a new life waiting for me. For the first time in years, I was looking forward to tomorrow.

I expected that moving to California would also solve my Kohn problem. I would be too far away for him to stalk. He would move on to another victim. I had no idea that he was so mentally unstable that he would follow me to Charming, but I believed even if Kohn followed me to Charming, it would be better than staying in Chicago or moving to another city.

I couldn't depend on law enforcement in Chicago to protect me. The second I said Kohn was an ATF agent, they couldn't get rid of me fast enough. I finally got a restraining order, but I couldn't depend on them to enforce it. I didn't even bother to report Kohn's attack on me because he hadn't left marks on me and it would be his word against mine.

I had tried getting the ATF involved without success. I was told the ATF had real work to do and couldn't get involved in petty personal problems.

I looked up Charming on the internet and discovered Wayne Unser was the police chief. I've known him since he was a patrol officer. I also noticed David Hale was a police officer. I knew him from high school.

With my personal connection to Charming law enforcement, they were my best chance at getting a law enforcement response if I needed one. And even then, they might not be able to do much.

I know most people think I returned to Charming seeking Jax's protection. I've never contradicted them because I'd rather people believe that than admit the truth; that I'd come back for Jax.

I think my returning to Charming fueled Kohn's insanity. I told him too much about Jax and I think he became obsessed with showing me he was better than a "biker thug" as he referred to Jax. Or maybe he was just flat out crazy and I hadn't seen it.

That Monday, I eventually saw Jax making out with another girl. It hurt more than I thought it would even though I didn't believe I had a chance with him. My short hair had destroyed all my fragile self-esteem. I didn't realize how much I relied on my long hair to shield me from the world. I felt vulnerable and exposed. Maybe the whole Samson losing his strength over a haircut had some truth to it.

That Wednesday study session with Jax got off to a great start. We ate cupcakes and drank lemonade before spreading out our textbooks and notes on the kitchen table and studying.

Everything changed when Gemma came home.

"I can't believe you're studying," she said after Jax introduced us.

"Tara explained to me that people _study_ before taking a test. Who knew?" Jax grinned at me.

Gemma smiled but I wasn't fooled. For some unknown reason, she had taken an instant dislike to me. I've always wondered if she sensed that she might have to share Jax's heart with me. I don't know. I've never been hated at first sight before.

I was determined to win Gemma's approval. I didn't know how much influence Gemma had over Jax. I was afraid she would poison his mind against me.

When I saw Gemma begin to dice onions, I had what I thought was a genius level idea; I would win her over by showing her a better way to chop onions.

My Aunt Penny began teaching me knife skills when I was ten. I used to do a lot of her knife work when she practiced her culinary school dishes, so I was good with a knife.

I've always been open to learning new and better ways to perform a task. It never even entered my mind that Gemma might not feel the same way.

As I demonstrated my better way of chopping onions, Gemma was silent. I tried to make up for her silence by babbling.

Gemma looked at me and smiled, a terrifying fake smile when I finally ran out of words.

"My, aren't you handy."

For a few seconds, I consoled myself by thinking it couldn't get any worse. I should never think that because it can get worse and it usually always does. Clay walked in.

After Jax introduced me, I made another horribly misguided attempt at winning over Jax's family.

"Your vest is super cute," I said brightly.

I don't know how those words came out of my mouth. I've never used the expression "super cute" in my life. I didn't wonder what I was thinking because it was clear to me that I wasn't thinking.

"Welcome to Charming," Clay said. "Now try not to get yourself killed."

I tugged at my hair and thought about making a break for the door.

Author's Note: I think the words Clay said were used when he welcomed some new guys to SAMCRO and I borrowed them.

I have this plotted out and would like to continue to write this if there is enough interest. So if you like this please let me know and if you hate it, let me know that too. I hope to update this with a chapter 3 in three weeks.


	3. Chapter 3

28

CHAPTER 3

Jax rescued me, helped me gather my books and notes and insisted he walk me home. That was the beginning of my MC education.

Jax explained that as president of the Sons of Anarchy Motorcycle Club Redwood Originals or SAMCRO, Clay welcomes potential new members or prospects and then tells them not to get themselves killed. That's why he welcomed me the way he did.

Staying alive in Charming proved impossible for me. Clay hired a drug cartel to kill me, near the end, I feared Jax would kill me and Gemma actually killed me. Living is not a given in Charming.

Jax tried to explain Clay's vest, but couldn't say the words "super cute vest" without laughing.

"If you don't quit laughing at me, I'm asking for a new lab partner," I warned.

"No, you won't. You _like_ me too much and you _love_ my family—especially Clay."

"He scares the hell out of me."

"You made fun of his "super . . ." Jax broke off laughing.

"I was trying to be nice. Maybe I should go back and apologize."

"No, it's fine. Don't worry about it. I'll never forget the look on his face though. He looked stunned, like he couldn't believe his ears."

"I thought people in motorcycle gangs wore leather jackets. I didn't know they wore vests."

"Motorcycle clubs. Not gangs. And it isn't a vest. It's called a cut."

"The next time we study together, we should do it at my house."

"If we hadn't studied at my house, my mother wouldn't have learned a better way to cut onions."

"I was trying to be helpful. I think I might have insulted her."

"Don't worry about what people think of you."

"Thanks."

"I live to serve you, my queen," Jax said with a bow.

I laughed and felt completely cheered up.

As we passed the house next to my father's, Jax noticed the people moving in.

"Have you met your new neighbors?"

"No. I'm not even sure when they started moving in."

Jax frowned as watched a bald man and a brown haired guy in his late teens carry a kitchen table into the house.

"Be careful. Don't be too trusting. This may be Charming, but you still need to be careful."

"Do you know them?"

"No, but there is something not quite right."

"I'll be careful. Thanks for walking me home."

"It was the gentlemanly thing to do. Can we have lunch tomorrow so we can get in some extra study time? I'll meet you at your locker."

That Thursday, Jax told me he had on his lucky T-shirt. It was a simple white T-shirt with the word "son" in faded blue lettering all in lower case. I've seen him wear the same or a similar shirt since my return to Charming.

Friday, Mr. Ragwell listed all the test scores on the board, drew lines and wrote the grades assigned to each box.

As he walked around the classroom passing out exams, he would occasionally make a comment.

"Tara, outstanding work. You have the highest score," Mr. Ragwell said.

"Thank you," I said. It was nice to get the highest score but it also increased the pressure on me to continue to do well. I felt like I had a target on my back.

Jax smiled at me and I knew he took pride in my achievement.

"And Mr. Teller—I mean Jax—an outstanding effort. A vast improvement."

"I wore my lucky T-shirt and Tara told me that you are supposed to _study_ before a test."

"Who knew?" Mr. Ragwell said.

"That's what I said too."

The class laughed. Jax's and Mr. Ragwell's exchanges were the highlight of the class.

The paper Mr. Ragwell returned to Jax had a B+ written on it.

"He must have copied her," Dan said.

Dan was an obnoxious know-it-all who didn't know it all as evidenced by the B- written on his exam. He was also on the student council and thought it made him special.

"We had different animals, idiot. I earned my grade," Jax said.

Mr. Ragwell had problems with cheating last year. As a result, he used a bunch of different tests. The questions were pretty much the same, but the order was different. On the front of the exam was an animal's name. Students wrote the animal's name on their answer sheet so when the tests were graded, he would use the answer sheet for that animal.

"Apologize to Jax right now. He did not cheat," Mr. Ragwell said.

"He called me an idiot," Dan protested.

"You deserved it. Apologize or you're going to the principal's office. You wouldn't want that on your permanent record, would you?"

There was an appreciative hush in the classroom. All eyes were on Dan as he squirmed in his seat.

"I'm sorry I said you cheated," Dan said sullenly. His face was flushed with anger.

"I accept your apology," Jax said graciously.

After the tests were returned, Mr. Ragwell began another lecture. I thought the test issue was settled.

Jax and I walked out of class together. Normally, we split up because our lockers are in different places. As soon as Jax turned his back to walk down the other hall, Dan came up to me.

"I know you cheated on that test. I'm going to find out how you and Teller did it and then you're going to be sorry."

Jax must have heard what Dan said to me because he came back, grabbed Dan and shoved him hard against a locker. He twisted his arm behind his back then he leaned in close and said something so softly to Dan that I couldn't hear it. It must have been some kind of threat because all the color drained from Dan's face.

"Tara, come over here. Dan has something he wants to say to you," Jax said.

"I shouldn't have said you cheated," Dan said.

"That wasn't much of an apology," Jax said. He twisted his arm a bit more to encourage Dan. "Do it again."

"I'm sorry I accused you of cheating," Dan said.

"It better not happen again," I said coldly.

Jax nodded his approval at my response and released his hold on Dan.

"I need to go to my locker, then we can go to your locker and I'll walk you home."

"Thanks for helping me with Dan."

"I told you we are partners and allies. I'll always have your back."

"And I'll always have yours."

Jax didn't mention anything about coming over, but I hoped he would. I even washed my hair and took a shower at the same time as last Friday in a silly ritual to somehow make him appear magically.

It was the eve of my sixteenth birthday. My father was off with his band. Next week, they had a rare weekend off and he promised we would celebrate it then.

In between wondering what my future held, I would creep silently to the front door's peephole to see if Jax were near. Sometimes, I would peek outside from the window, taking care not to move the curtain or be seen.

When I returned to Charming, I didn't have a plan on how I was going to meet Jax. I figured that Charming was small and we would eventually bump into each other. I never dreamed we would meet the way we did.

Wendy was brought in unconscious with a suspected overdose of crank. The fetus was in distress and was delivered via emergency C-section. I got involved at that point.

Dr. Namid was the head of the neonatal department and he led the team that began working on the baby immediately after delivery. I knew almost from the beginning that the infant we were working on was Jax's son. Everyone knows everyone's business in Charming. I informed Dr. Namid of my prior relationship with Jax and assured him that it wouldn't interfere with my work.

The baby was approximately eight weeks early with a tear in his belly and a hole in his heart. We would have to wait until the infant was stronger so he would have a chance at surviving the surgery.

When Dr. Namid left for the day, it fell to me to deliver the news to the family. This was definitely not the way I wanted to see Jax for the first time, but I had no choice.

I knew the words I would say to Jax about his son's medical condition. I rehearsed them over and over so I could say them flawlessly. I wanted Jax to see me as the calm confident neo-natal surgeon and not the shy awkward mess of a teen that I used to be.

Wendy was stable but still unconscious. I waited in her treatment room for Jax to appear and for my future to be decided. Unlike the eve of my 16th birthday, I knew Jax would come this time.

I also knew he wouldn't come by himself. Gemma and Clay would be with him along with a couple of guys in the MC.

I did feel some satisfaction when I saw Jax walking towards me slightly ahead of Gemma and Clay with Bobby and Chibs trailing. Ten years may have passed, but some things were still predictable. I left Wendy's room and went to meet him.

Suddenly I wasn't a doctor anymore. I was that teen girl again pretending to be a doctor who had to face the only man she had ever loved and give him the news that his infant son had at best a 20% chance of survival.

Despite my inner turmoil, I knew that I appeared outwardly composed. No matter how chaotic my emotions, I can appear calm. People frequently see me as cold or aloof because I conceal my feelings. They have no idea how deeply I feel or how sensitive I am. Jax is one of the few who understands.

I thought the second I saw Jax I would know whether or not I still loved him. This Jax was the same but different. He had gone from teen to man and the change looked good on him. Gone was the lanky ten body replaced by a hard muscled man's body. He was an intriguing mix of old and new.

I turned my attention back to the baby. He was the priority. Figuring out my feelings could wait.

After I gave them the medical information, I was going to bring Jax to see his son. He followed me and told me I didn't have to care for the baby. When our eyes met, I felt warmth spread through my body as if I'd been out in the sun, my heart beat painfully in my chest and my stomach twisted into knots. It all felt a lot like love.

Jax didn't hate me. That was what I feared most. I hurt him. I threw our relationship away. I left him. I expected some anger or bitterness. Instead, I got kindness. The MC life hadn't turned him into another Clay.

Even at a time like this, and after what I'd done to him, he was concerned about my feelings. He knew it would be difficult for me to deal with his mother. I hadn't parted on the best of terms with her.

When he refused to see his son and left, I wasn't surprised. I've seen other parents do the same thing. They can't bear to see their fragile infant hooked up to all the medical equipment necessary to sustain life.

I knew exactly where Jax was going. He would find the dealer who sold Wendy the crank and he would beat him until someone pulled him off. I saw Clay send Chibs and Bobby to watch his back.

That left me alone with Gemma and Clay and Clay still scared the hell out of me.

In Mr. Ragwell's biology class, he had an aquarium with a snake in it. Once during class, everyone noticed a white mouse in the aquarium with the snake. There wasn't a lot of room so the mouse kind of scampered around and on the snake's coils. I expected the snake to kill the mouse right away, but it ignored the mouse. I tried to concentrate on Mr. Ragwell's lecture, but I kept glancing at the snake. Jax nudged me when the snake swallowed the mouse. Fortunately, I missed the actual killing and all I saw was the bulge in the snake's body near its mouth. Clay was the snake and I was the mouse. He killed with the same amount of thought the snake gave the mouse.

Gemma was more subtle but no less dangerous than Clay. She was the power behind the throne. Her ambitions for Jax began and ended with the MC and Charming. She wanted nothing more for him than the presidency of the MC and she would accept nothing less.

I knew Gemma saw me as the girl who tried to derail Jax's destiny and take him away. I'm pretty sure she still hated me for it. There's no doubt in my mind that as soon as Gemma learned I was back in Charming, she knew I was back for her son.

It would take time for her to see me as the woman I'd grown up to be. Still, as I explained Abel's medical condition and the corrective surgeries he would need, I couldn't shake the feeling I was still a teen pretending to be an adult.

As I waited on the eve of my 16th birthday for Jax to come, I realized I couldn't live my life waiting for him. I needed to get out of the house.

The next morning, I decided to follow my father's suggestion that I go to Charming's Small Mall—that was its actual name because it was small with less than ten stores and it was a mall since it was enclosed.

I spent the fifteen minute walk imagining my future. Finish high school, go to college, then to medical school and then and only then, find romance. I didn't want to get distracted with men until I finished my schooling.

I would meet some handsome fantastic man and I'd fall madly in love. We would get married and have a couple of kids. I would be a renowned surgeon and he would be renowned for something. We would be blissfully happy.

I needed to step back from my life and quit letting Jax haunt me. I vowed I would not fall victim to a silly schoolgirl crush on him. It wouldn't last and I didn't need any more heartbreak. I needed to focus on my plan.

I can see now that my plan was always doomed to failure. I fought hard to resist him, but who can resist a blonde god of a guy who is also sweet, kind and charming?

The only way I could have saved myself from falling in love with him was to leave town in those first few weeks before his hold on my heart became unbreakable.

Foolish sixteen year old me. I really believed I could resist him through force of will.

I ate lunch at a Mexican restaurant in the Small Mall. It was the first time I'd eaten real Mexican food. Before, I'd only eaten fast food tacos. It was wonderful from the chips and salsa to the tacos, tamales, beans and rice. Also for the first time since I'd come to Charming, I felt happy alone. Before that, I'd only been happy when Jax was with me.

I went to the drugstore in the Small Mall and bought the perfect shade of plum red lip stain. I then gave myself one last birthday present from the discount bookstore in the mall. I bought a couple of mystery/suspense paperbacks.

My aunt always gave me a book for my birthday. It was the kind of gift I didn't appreciate until I got older and developed my love of reading. I kept all of them planning to give them to my daughter, but I didn't live long enough to have one.

The message light was flashing on the answering machine when I got home. My father sometimes leaves me messages on the answering machine.

He had called to wish me a happy birthday and to tell me my aunt had given him a package to give to me on my birthday. It was in the hall closet in a gift bag. My father ended the message by telling me I didn't need to call him back.

I got the blue bag from the closet and dug through the silver colored tissue paper to find two packages wrapped in gold.

I started crying, overwhelmed with loss. I didn't realize how much I loved her until my father told me she was dead. It's terrible to discover how much you love someone after death. Even after my horrible behavior, she thought about me and my birthday.

I had promised my father I would make cupcakes for him to take to work on Monday. I'd written out a list of ingredients and he actually got everything I needed. I knew I'd spend all day crying if I didn't find something to do. This was the perfect diversion.

Making the cupcakes—cherry chocolate with a vanilla almond filling and chocolate ganache frosting—would keep a tradition I had with my aunt. In addition to always giving me a book for my birthday, she would teach me a recipe. Instead of a store bought birthday cake, we would make an amazing dessert together. The cupcake recipe was from my 12th birthday.

After I finished making the three dozen cupcakes, I took a shower and curled up on the living room sofa with an old movie and my new paperback. I didn't want to open my birthday presents because I was afraid of the emotions that would be stirred up. I decided I'd wait until bedtime to open them.

When the knock came, it startled me so much I jumped. I went to the door, my heart beating hard and fast. I almost opened the door without looking through the peephole because I was so confident it was Jax. I stopped myself and peered through the peephole. It wasn't Jax. It was the teen guy from next door. The guy banged on the door and rang the doorbell again before finally giving up.

I hesitated before deciding not to open the door. It was a combination of Jax's warning and my training from my aunt. She told me to never open the door for someone I didn't know.

About an hour later, someone rang the doorbell. I thought it was probably the guy next door again, but I felt a small flicker of hope that it was Jax.

When I saw the porch light shining on Jax's blonde hair, I thought my heart would explode with happiness. I also had a silly ear to ear grin on my face that I managed to reduce to a smile before I flung open the door.

He smiled at me and my master plan to resist him crumbled.

"Come on in," I said.

"Thanks. We just got back from a motorcycle show in Arizona. I wanted to come by and check on you."

"While you were having fun, I was slaving away in the kitchen."

"Exactly where a woman is supposed to be."

"That's it for you. I was going to give you a cupcake. They're chocolate with a vanilla almond filling and a chocolate ganache frosting.

Jax looked at the cupcakes in the kitchen and tried to pretend he wasn't impressed.

"Chocolate with filling and chocolate frosting. They're like the cupcakes you get at the convenience store only yours don't have the cute swirls on top."

"How dare you!" I said in mock outrage.

Jax shook his head, still looking at the cupcakes.

"There's only one way for you to prove yourself. A taste test. It's a tough job, but I'm a brave guy. I'll eat one then give you the verdict."

"I guess that's the only way. You want something to drink with that? Milk? Iced tea?"

"Milk would be good."

I got two small plates and put a cupcake on each along with a fork and a napkin. I then poured us each a glass of milk.

"So, what did you do all day besides slaving away in the kitchen?"

"I walked to the Small Mall and got some books. I love reading."

"Remember when I asked if you were a smart girl?"

"Yeah."

"I thought you might have been bragging a bit. I didn't know you were the smartest girl in the class."

"I don't know about that. I probably studied the hardest."

Jax removed the cupcake from its paper liner to make it easier to eat.

He studied the cupcake.

"It gets an "A" in appearance. The cherry in the middle of the cupcake and the slivered almonds scattered across the top win for appearances despite the lack of white frosting swirls.

"For a minute, I was afraid the lack of swirls would cost me in the appearance category," I said.

"I'm trying to be a fair judge."

He took a forkful of cupcake including the filling. He took another bite and then another.

"These cupcakes have more than just a filling. There are cherries."

"That was a surprise."

"Based on memory, I give the convenience store cupcakes a score of 62. Yours are a little hard to gauge but, after much thought, I have decided these are the best cupcakes I've ever eaten."

"It's my aunt's recipe. She took some dessert classes when she went to culinary school. She taught me this recipe on my 12th birthday. Would you like another?"

"You have to ask?"

I gave him another cupcake and then found a plastic container and put six cupcakes in the container and covered it loosely with foil.

"I'll give you these cupcakes if you promise you'll give one to your mother and one to Clay."

"If I give one to my mom, she might hate you even more than she does already because you can out bake her."

"I knew it! She does hate me!"

Jax laughed.

"I'm just teasing you. So, what are you going to do with all those cupcakes?"

"I made them for my father to take to work on Monday."

"That's sweet of you. Are you getting along better?"

I shrugged.

"Not really." We both try, but, unfortunately, we don't try at the same time. He's just immature and self-centered."

"Gemma waited about thirty seconds before she married Clay. How can you love someone and replace them so quickly?"

"Why do you call your mother Gemma?"

"When she married Clay, it created distance between us. I started thinking of her as Gemma. She's never said a word about it to me."

"Maybe I should start calling my father donor. I wonder what he would say to that."

"Donor?"

"As in sperm donor. That's all he really is. I feel like his roommate and not his daughter."

"It hasn't been that long. Give it some time."

"His band has next weekend off. He promised me that we would spend quality father-daughter time together."

"It sounds like he's trying."

"Yeah. I guess."

Jax looked at me intently.

"What's wrong? I know there's something bothering you."

"When I got back from the Small Mall, there was a message from my father. My aunt left a couple of packages with my father for me."

I didn't want to tell Jax it was my birthday. It would just make me feel worse.

"Have you opened them?"

I shook my head.

"Would you like me to stay with you while you open them?"

Jax was so tender and considerate when he spoke to me. He has an amazing heart. He just knew that opening these packages could be upsetting.

I know it sounds funny when I say Jax has such a good heart when he has killed people, but he explained it to me. In the outlaw world, breaking the law and physical violence including killing are part of that life. All the players know that. It's just like a soldier who kills in battle.

When Jax killed Kohn, it hit him. He told me he had never killed someone like that before. It was personal and it wasn't part of his outlaw world.

I opened the larger of the two gold wrapped boxes. In it was a photo album. I had no idea that this even existed. I flipped through a couple of pages.

"I didn't even know she made this," I said. Underneath was a smaller album. It had all the recipes she taught me complete with the pictures of our finished desserts. I showed Jax the picture of me with the cupcakes.

"Your aunt must have loved you a lot to spend so much time making this for you."

"That's what she used to always tell me. When you love someone, it isn't about how much money you spend, it's about the thought and time you put into the gift."

"I agree."

I took a deep breath before opening the other package. In it was the novel "Rebecca" by Daphne Du Maurier. Inside the cover, she'd written a note telling me this was her favorite gothic suspense novel. The other book was "Gone with the Wind" by Margaret Mitchell. She also wrote a note in it telling me this was her favorite novel and she wanted me to have the copy that she loved so much.

I'd been stoic about everything. No tears. Then I fell apart after I'd read the note she'd written inside "Gone with the Wind".

I'd stood up to open the presents. I turned my back to Jax and shut my eyes. I took several deep breaths fighting hard to stay composed and tear free.

I heard Jax get up from the kitchen table and pick up the phone, but I couldn't hear any of the call.

The harder I tried to regain control, the more I cried. I was a crying crazy mess.

Jax came over to me.

"I'm sorry I'm crying. I'm really not like this."

"Tara, quit saying you're sorry about crying. You lost the only person you loved. You've been forced to live with a father you don't know who hasn't made much effort to be a parent. I still have a hard time dealing with my dad's death."

I nodded not trusting myself to speak.

Jax wrapped his arms around me. I don't know how long we stood like that. Forever would have been fine with me. That was a perfect moment. I pressed it into my memory. There are few perfect moments in life.

My mother hugged me three times in my life; once on the day my father left, once on the day she found out she had cancer and once near the end of her life when she told me good-bye.

My aunt hugged me twice; once when my mother died and once when she left me with my father.

Until Jax wrapped his arms around me, I never realized how much I hungered for physical comfort. His warmth and strength seemed to flow into me, healing me, making me strong. I never knew a hug could feel so good, but I hadn't had much experience.

Jax stayed that night. He had used the phone to call Gemma. I don't remember what story he used.

I didn't protest this time or insist I was fine and he should leave. I decided I would just enjoy being with him.

I shook off my sorrow and we watched DVDs from my father's collection of British dramas and comedy. He had everything from _The Avengers _to_ Monty Python_.

We had so much fun, I began to think that I wasn't such a burden to Jax and that he was staying with me, at least partly, because we had fun together.

Jax left shortly after I made scrambled eggs for breakfast. He said Clay was supposed to help him work on his motorcycle.

My life had settled down and I was starting to adjust to life in Charming. I had even found a small group of girls to eat lunch with who were also new to Charming. We were sort of the misfits. One had thick glasses, one had bad skin, one was in special education and I was awkward and nerdy. You take your friends where you find them. I was glad to have company at lunch. That was Monday.

Wednesday, everything came crashing down and it happened, of course, in Mr. Ragwell's biology class. He got a call during class that resulted in Jax being sent to the office. That little worm Dan snickered when Mr. Ragwell told Jax.

I had a sick feeling that Jax was in trouble for Friday's hallway incident with Dan. I decided that I would back-up whatever story Jax told.

Class ended and Jax still hadn't returned. I was in an agony of indecision. I didn't know if I should wait or leave. I finally decided to wait at his locker for a few minutes.

Jax appeared when I was in mid-hair tug. I had been working on breaking my habit, but in stressful times, tugging my hair is soothing.

"What happened?"

"They want to expel me for wearing my T-shirt that has "son" on it. They said they have a zero tolerance policy against students wearing gang apparel."

"That's crazy."

"There's going to be a hearing next week in front of the student council. If they decide it's gang apparel, then it gets referred to the school board for action."

"I've never heard of a student council having that much power."

"The school board would have to then do the formal expulsion."

"I think Dan is behind this."

"I think so too. They will be sending an official letter to my mother. She is going to hit the roof. Clay is going to have to zip tie her to a chair because she will raise hell with the school."

"When's the hearing?"

"A week from Friday."

"Maybe you could tell your mother that you want to fight the expulsion on your own at the school level and if you lose, she can do the fight with the school board."

"She'll never go for that. I think I'll just intercept the letter. I'll tell her if I lose at the student council. I'm sure Dan's probably got that all arranged."

Suddenly an idea hit me. This was no mere normal idea—this was one of my genius ideas.

And sometimes they do work.

CHAPTER 4

Jax and Tara draw closer as they battle his proposed expulsion.

Darby and David Hale are introduced.


End file.
